We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
