addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
