I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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