that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
