Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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