Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
