I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
