why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
