She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
