Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
