this beer tastes like vomit already
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
