i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
