Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
