Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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