Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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