The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
