also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
