bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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