so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
