How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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