Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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