one might say we're banned from that church
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
