it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
