You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
