he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
