Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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