i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
