I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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