that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
