So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
