Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
