bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
