Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
