I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
