so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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