I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
