I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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