I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
