you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
