When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
