KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
