Don't make out with my wife yet
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The air taste purple.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
