Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Randomize
