the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
