We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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