I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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