if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
