I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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