Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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