Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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