It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
