bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
