arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
