He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
