did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
