I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
