Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
